Speed On The Water

Several folks have tried to operate poker-run concierge services— in which a poker-run participant’s every wish is granted— over the years, but few have succeeded. The fact is that while prepping and delivering high-performance boats to poker runs around the country seems straightforward, it is anything but. Transportation logistics alone can be daunting.

To put it simply, the concierge go-fast boat business is as service-oriented as service-oriented businesses get. Customers who pay a pretty penny—make that many pretty pennies—to have their boats delivered and ready to go at these events have high-expectations. As they should.

Tom Healey of Marine Unlimited in Mt. Holly, N.J., says he couldn’t agree more, which probably is why his concierge service has grown steadily since he started it a few years ago. A poker run enthusiast himself—he owns the former 37-foot-long Outerlimits race boat called Wild Child, which has been converted to a pleasure boat—he understands what his customers want and need.

At present, Healey says he has almost a dozen concierge service clients.

“Our clients want to do poker runs, but don’t necessarily have the time to make sure that everything involved happens, such as transporting the boat, making sure it’s ready to go and so on,” Healey told me earlier today. “Our clients can fly in and we’ll have someone at the airport to pick them up and take them to their hotel. When they go to their boat in the morning, it will be ready to go—checked over completely because we go in a couple of days early, washed, fueled and outfitted with everything they want. If they want to have a qualified mechanic and operator on board, we can provide that. If they want their truck and trailer to shadow them to the Keys, if that’s where the run is, we can do that.

“Our motto is, ‘Show up and throttle up,’” he added.

Among Healey’s clients are well-known poker-run participants Pete Mazzo and Tommy Toto, both of whom own 46-foot-long Outerlimits V-bottoms, and Mike Ciasulli, who owns a 36-foot-long Nor-Tech catamaran.

“Tom is an excellent guy to do with business with—he’s very hard-working and does what he says he is going to do,” said Ciasulli. “He is one of the only people I know who does what he does. You jump in your boat, it’s already warmed up and they throw you a line. It’s that level of service.”

Hering Propellers takes to the road—via the Hering Support Truck—this coming weekend for the Havasu Boat Show March 12-14 in Lake Havasu City, Ariz. This is the first time the Huntington Beach, Calif., company has displayed at the small-but-growing event.

According to Hering’s Jeff Johnston, the truck will be stocked with its usual variety of propellers, shirts and hats, as well as the company’s new propeller cases, which for March are being offered at the “two for one” price of $175 with the purchase of any pair of Hering five- or six-blade props.

As usual, the truck will be staffed with technicians who offer complete propeller repair and tuning services. At a time when on-site support trucks are scarce at high-performance boating events, this is good news.

Even better news is that, according to Johnston, Hering has dramatically cut its production time, from order to delivery, of new propellers.

“I have 100 props in stock right now, in all the standard sizes for offshore boats,” Johnston told me this morning. “That obviously helps with new orders. Now, we can build a set of props in two to three weeks. It used to take two to three months.”

Here’s the tentative Hering Support Truck Schedule for 2010

•Poker Runs America Cape Coral (Fla.) Poker Run, March 26-27

•Desert Storm/ Lake Havasu (Ariz.) Poker Run, April 22-25

•Jacksonville (Fla.) River Rally, June 4-5

•Sunny Isles (Fla.) Offshore Challenge, June 11-14

•Emerald Coast (Fla.) Poker Run, August 12-14

•Key West (Fla.) World Finals, November 8-14

Those of you who follow my stuff—and I’m flattered and grateful you do—on Boatermouth.com and speedonthewater.com know I like to report good news on Fridays.

The good news today?

Seriousoffshore.com “2.0” is well on its way to completion. After several days of phone tag, seriousoffshore.com point man, Chris Sunkin, and I finally got a chance to circle up and discuss where we are in building what is already the best offshore powerboating forum in existence into a content-rich, online powerhouse.

Here’s where we are:

•Chris and his team are working through the requisite issues of getting the new content management software up and running for the site. After more than 10 years of working for Boats.com, I can tell you this: When it comes to the Internet, nothing happens easily. But the software team should have it wrapped within a week or two.

•Content categories including maintenance, race coverage, poker run coverage and many, many more have been identified.

•Potential contributors for those categories, which will eventually refresh daily (that’s the long-term goal, at least) have been identified and will be contacted by Chris within the next week or so.

•I have created a seriousoffshore.com style guide for potential contributors, just to help them get started and answer any basic writing questions they might have. (I’ll also be available to answer their questions online or by phone.)

We’re getting close, folks, and this project is as exciting, at least to me, as they come. There is such a wealth of expertise and talent on this board. My job is to help channel and direct that talent and expertise into written form, without taking away anyone’s voice. Of course, the message boards on seriousoffshore.com will remain the site’s foundation.

Your patience has been much appreciated. Not too long now.

Enjoy your weekend. May it find you on the water.

Before I offend a bunch of people with this blog—and I will—let me apologize for my macabre sense of humor. I’ve had it since I was a kid, but it was cemented, which is an appropriate word for this piece, by the experience of scattering my ex-father-in-law’s ashes into a marsh in Wellfleet, Mass.

Long story short: It was a breezy day. A gust of wind kicked up as I tossed the ashes, and I was instantly covered with what was left of Abe, my sainted ex-wife’s father. I looked at my ex, she looked at Abe’s girlfriend, and the three of us laughed until—quite literally—we cried.

A press release I received this morning from the Neptune Society— trust me when I tell you that if you cover anything marine-related for 15 years you get press releases from the strangest places—reminded me of the day we tossed Abe into the marsh. The organization, which offers cremation and post-cremation (of course) sea-burial services has opened a new office in Miami, but that’s not what got my attention. Here’s what did, straight from the release:

“The new office is the company’s closest location to Neptune Memorial Reef, which is located a few miles off the Miami coast. The man-made underwater reef is a unique option for placement of cremated remains.”

This I had to see, so I went on line to the web site for the reef, which I had guessed would be a spot for dispersing—a better word than dumping—ashes overboard. Turns out I was dead wrong.

The reef, which is located a little more than 3 miles off Key Biscayne, is actually constructed of cremated remains “mixed with non-porous cement, sand and water.” The mixture is then poured into the mold of the customer’s choice, given time to harden and placed by divers “in its final location of the reef structure.” According to web site, the family can participate in the placement if it wants.

I imagine this option is only open to certified divers as the reef, the first phase of which is a “classical re-creation of the Lost City,” is 40 feet below the surface.

I don’t know—there’s just something about having my ashes molded into a piece for a “classical re-creation of the Lost City” that makes me giggle. Why not mold what’s left of me into a smaller version of the entire Lost City and put me into an aquarium full of goldfish for my kids?

But in life and death, as long as you’re not hurting anyone, to each his own, right?

Besides, it’s no less bizarre—and a whole lot less messy—than tossing your ex-father-in-law into a marsh on a breezy day.